I have a problem that I think we’re just going to have to talk about right now. I don’t really want to tell you. I know that it might change the way you see me. But honesty is the best policy in our blogger-reader relationship, right? So here it goes. When I get bored, stressed, or feel insecure about what I’m writing, I play Candy Crush.

It’s not something I’m proud of. According to my son, Christopher, it’s literally the lamest thing I could be addicted to, like worse than Nutella binging or constantly taking pictures of my cats. For those of you who don’t know, or just avoid playing it, Candy Crush is a puzzle-ish game where you line up like-colored treats and they vanish! Exciting, no? Well, sometimes they explode and the game makes fun crunching noises. You do that until you’ve completed whatever the task is for that particular level, like clearing jelly, collecting wrappers, or smashing blocks of fudge. And it’s not a game that you win, or that has an end. It just keeps going on and on with new levels added all the time. I am currently on level 2,639 with no end in sight. Does that mean I can play forever? No. I start out with five lives, and if I lose a level it takes a half hour to replace that life. But if I don’t feel like waiting I can beg Facebook friends for more lives or buy more with my actual, real-life money.

I feel that somehow I’m not winning you over with this. Allow me to get to the crux of the appeal. The tagline to the game is “swipe the stress away.” And it DOES! When I watch the news and I’m afraid I’ll die of COVID? Candy Crush. I play it indoors all by myself, virus free. When I’ve been talking to one of my kids about new adult struggles they’re having? Afterwards I play Candy Crush and for a few glorious moments I can forget that at ages 17, 18, and 20, they’re all old enough to be tried as adults.

I can’t explain to you why this endless, monotonous game calms me down. Listening to Metallica used to calm me down too. I don’t have a sensible explanation for either of these things. But I don’t think it’s a bad thing to play every once in a while as long as I don’t spend any money on it and as long as I’m not neglecting important things that I should be doing. Indeed, the times that “swipe the stress away” becomes a problem is when I’m not so much relieving stress as I am “choosing it over other things that matter with my limited time.” Like reading a good book, playing with the dog, exercising, watching a great movie, and/or writing. Especially writing.

For instance, since the beginning of this blog post I’ve started and stopped playing Candy Crush four times. It’s like a tick – don’t know what my next sentence should be? I’ll play Candy Crush and figure it out. Fellow writers, we all know that the best way to figure out what the next sentence is, is to write a sentence. Or go for a walk and figure it out, as I’ve heard countless poets swear by. The second their feet hit the road, they start getting lines. Their brains do this to them because they can’t write any of these thoughts down. I’ve gotten lines in my head when I’ve been out for a jog and ended up having to turn around and race home, repeating the words out loud to myself so I didn’t forget them, looking like someone who’s just running in terror and screaming at herself.

I must admit that when I crush candy I don’t get lines in my head. Sometimes I get hungry for real candy. But most of the time, if I’m playing during my writing time, I’m just getting more stressed out because I’m avoiding what it is I need to be doing.

And sometimes I’ve spend money on it.

What about you guys? Do you have mindless habits that keep you from doing other things you love?

“No, Genevieve,” you say, dripping with disdain. “I am perfect in every way.”

“Do you speak for everyone?” I ask you.

“Yes. You are, in fact, the only imperfect human being on the face of the Earth.”

I KNEW IT. Fine then. If you need me I’ll be on the couch surrounded by cats, crushing candy, and eating Nutella from the jar.